Changes.

hi Guys,
Betcha wondered where I got to? No? Oh well, I'm gonna tell you anyway!
I'll try and be brief.

The New Year brought a return to work/school for myself and my kids, the return of seasonal germs, yuk, and a renewed desire to escape this dreary British weather and the effects of it on my mood (all booked for ten days back at our usual haunt in Coin on the 1st April, not so long to wait now).

I'd already signed up for a mountain of Open University courses to keep me motivated (Child Development, Inclusive Education and Ways and Means of Knowing in the Early Years) and built up a 6 week head start, even got my first assignment done and dusted before January was out.
I moved another step closer to 40 in January and my youngest reached double figures. Boy did that make me feel old! So now I have a teenager and a ten year old who thinks she's a teenager and whose hormones tell her she might as well be one! My teen is ready to choose his GCSE options (gosh, I remember choosing mine, seems like only yesterday!) and my ten year old is , bless her cotton socks, as determined as ever to keep up in the top 5 of her class, and has her head stuck into her homework and has even started asking to do practice tests for the 11+. Don't know where she gets her determination and academic interest from, but how proud I felt when she brought home another perfect school report this month! She's such a hard worker. Meanwhile my teen gets by doing as little as possible but is still a pretty bright spark with an interest, like his mum, in the world and history, and has secured a level 5 in English (his weak subject) and level 6s in Maths and Science (level 4/5 is what someone of his age should be aiming for), not bad considering he is one of the youngest in his year.

I struggled on with my job through January, trying to be what I'd always wanted to be (although without the official title and pay), a good teacher, but struggling to manage a good work/home life balance, and some pretty poor behaviour from some pretty tough 6/7 year olds, and never ceasing to compare myself to experienced teachers and NQTs, darned good ones too.

Meanwhile I was struggling to hold myself together at home and cope with grumpy children, lesson planning and thoughts of how I could improve my practise in the classroom and how to make home a more relaxed, happier place were never far from my mind, especially as my head hit the pillow.

Things reached crunch time mid February, as hub also reached rock bottom, stuggling to cope with his 19th year of shift work, and no prospect of escaping from constant tiredness and lack of sleep.

I could not persuade hub to get signed off to recoup some mental strength (why are men so stubborn?!) and after a good few hours of tears, and a few mintues worth from the tough man of the house, I decided that was it. No more 'rat race', no more multi-tasking female, this family needed some TLC. After much ado it was mutually decided that if we lowered our standard of living a little, accepted that perhaps we might have to holiday less, and that if I gave up my courses I could resign from my job and throw myself into my most important (but often neglected) role of parent and hold-it-all-together-manager!

It was a great relief to realise that the pace of life was going to slow down, that we were going to enjoy quality time together all the time, not just when we arrived on Spanish soil!

The relief was swiftly followed by a nasty sickness and diarrohoea bug that had me up for 6 hours early last Saturday morning. If you haven't experienced sickness and diarrohoea simultaneously start praying you won't! Dare I admit I honestly wished I could have died. At one point sometime around 4am I must have fainted (first time for everything!) and awoke to (skip a line now if you have a weak stomach!) a nasty mess down my arm and across the floor instead of in the bathroom bin/down the loo! Thank heavens hub was around that weekend. Off he went to Asda's at 6am for some Immodium and rehydration salts. I was that dehydrated that I couldn't muster a millilitre of spit in my mouth with which to swallow the tablets! I spent 2 days in bed and another 2 days shuffling between the bed and the washing machine. I look back now and see the whole frightful episode as a huge turning point. I'm not particularly religious, but Someone/Something was telling me something! Things had to change and my kids were right behind me, supporting my decision ever inch of the way, looking forward to a brighter mummy!

So here I am, having handed in my notice and looking forward to being a full time mum from 30th March 2007. I've been through a whirlwind of different thoughts on my decision. Thinking perhaps I should have sought more support even if it meant begging on my knees! Ironically I was invited to a HLTA network support meeting this week. All too late, but I attended anyway. It was good, in a way, to hear how much is expected of HLTAs in other schools, to hear how others sturggled to do a good job with minimal preparation time, minimal resources and lack of respect from pupils, and sometimes shockingly from other staff too. Made me feel less of a failure in a way. It was all a bit numbing really, didn't leave any feedback on how useful the meeting was, couldn't bring myself to tell any of the organisers that I hadn't stuck it out, and came away feeling rather let down that it took Medway Council 2 years to realise that perhaps HLTAs needed to network with other HLTAs for support and that the job is every bit as tough as that of a fully qualified teacher, if not more so in some ways. Perhaps I should have stepped back down into my old TA role, but pride got in the way. Time for a fresh start.

How will I fill my time...I'll certainly miss aspects of my job and the social contact it bought, but hey, I have some good friends that I intend to call. I have already met up with 'baby group' and how good did that feel! Didn't feel like I hadn't seen them for 2 years, it was just like old times.

I'm going to look into private tutoring and am currently reading up on being a script marker for KS2 SATS and Year 7 tests. If you know anything about these feel free to share your knowledge/opinions with me!

Hub, as if by miracle, found a day shift job vacancy he could apply for within the company and had his interview on Monday. While both of us are trying not to be too hopeful, it seemed to go well and we are hoping to hear good news later today or early next week.

Having said I'd try to keep it short I'd just like to apologise for bending your ear. Let's not forget that I called this blog Tina's Therapy! It's served its purpose nicely today :O)

I have a list. A list of all the things that I want to do now that I will have the time. Some purely for enjoyment, some to keep my brain active, and some to keep my body and soul happy!
As much for a reminder to myself in the coming months in case I should feel 'lost', it looks something like this, in no particular order of importance...

hablo espanol todos dias!
Look into tutoring and script marking.
Gardening...sooo soothing for the mind!
Dust off the treadmill and get toned!
Organise my photos onto Flckr.
Try a bit of OpenLearning
Blog regularly again.
Play the organ (more tunefully)!
Continue to plan our US trip, we might make it there someday!
Pump up those tyres and get biking!
Take up Yoga.
Phone a friend!